To jumpstart your healing, acknowledge these three basic truths:
- Your hurt and confusion will diminish in time.
- You will find love again! If you use this time wisely, your future relationship(s) will be even be happier and healthier.
- Reframe your current pain as a gift which grants you a rare opportunity to soothe, comfort and nurture the key person in your life, your awesome Self.
After clients recognize and process these truths, we work together to fully appreciate the gifts that their current heartbreak provides:
1. Master New Skills. Over time, a couple develops a level of helplessness. On your own, however, you must master new skill sets. For men, this may involve tackling domestic chores. Meanwhile, women may have to research the basics of vehicle repair and maintenance. Inevitably, when your partner is absent, you must pick up the slack. Break-ups pull the rug out from under a carefully cultivated life. Take a deep breath and approach any new task with humour, openness and curiosity.
2. Discover The Converse Of Sadness. Frequent fights, accusations and alienation often signal the demise of a relationship. Meanwhile, solitude provides a welcome respite from all the emotional strife and turmoil.
3. Find Solace in Active Meditation. Formal meditation can be accompanied by doubt or self-judgment. Indeed, it’s tough to sit still and just focus on your breath when your thoughts are racing wildly and your heart feels as if it’s been shattered into a million pieces. If meditating is beyond your comfort zone, test out various forms of active meditation; i.e., long walks in the park, beach strolls. Alternatively, you can also try reading the latest book by your favourite author. Cultivate peace amid the daily grind, still your mind and tap into your intuitive awareness.
4. Fuel Your Passions. Couples must not only negotiate their life within the relationship but also pursue their respective interests and friendships outside it. Usually, they come up of short on time. Being newly single, you will have far more free time to resume any favourite interests and activities you put aside ‘for the good of your relationship’. Indulging in your cherished hobbies also has the collateral benefit of expanding your social circle with like-minded people. Find your tribe and you will find your way!
5. Seek Out Love and intimacy From Other Sources. Many couples unintentionally retreat unto themselves. They are so comfortable with their partner that they unwittingly disconnect from lifelong friends and family for months and even years. Breakups are the ideal time to reconnect with loved ones. Clearly, you will need to mend fences if you have neglected people. Happily, most people are forgiving, especially in the face of a hurt, contrite friend.
6. Examine the Power of Prayer. Life can bring you to your knees at times. Happy people find purpose and meaning even in tragedy. They communicate with Source and ask for strength. Regardless of your belief system, find your version of The Divine in Mother Nature’s beauty and connect to your Higher Power daily.
7. Shore Up The Foundation. A relationship involves at least two people. If it implodes due to a partner’s misbehavior, resist the urge to point fingers. Instead, figure out your own failings and consciously improve upon them. People who successfully navigate breakups often ask, ‘What can I learn from this? Do I need to set firmer boundaries? Or, should I finally address the childhood trauma that subconsciously causes me to pick the wrong people.” A breakup is the ideal chance to confront your shortcomings and resolve your long standing issues, so as to not repeat the same mistakes.
8. Gain Perspective. Be it volunteering or exploring a new activity, engage your own skills and natural talents for a meaningful purpose. By positively contributing to your community, you gain the needed perspective, strength and empathy to branch out in all areas of life. Seek out and enjoy camaraderie with kindred souls so you can escape any negative, downward spiralling thoughts that surface.
9. Re-connect with Your Sexuality. Heartbreak can decimate the ego and shatter your self-esteem. Rediscovering flirtation, romance and attraction does wonders to heal your spirit. Just imagine the intensity of locking eyes with a sexy stranger in an elevator, laughing into the wee hours of the morning on a first date or feeling the electricity of a potential partner’s hand in yours. A warm slice of romance reminds you that your heart and soul will ultimately heal.
10. Befriend Your Fabulous Self. Becoming comfortable in your own skin offers the greatest payout. When you’re happy alone, you are content. You can confidently say ‘no’ to negative people, close the door on abusive relationships and feel whole within yourself. In this enviable state, you place a high premium on your peace and sanity that you will only invite whole, happy, healthy relationships into your life.
Final Note: Once upon a time in America, marriage was the norm for adults. Yet, for the first time since the Bureau of Labor Statistics began tracking these numbers in 1976, now more single Americans exist than married people.
This is a massive change! About 50.2% are single. In 1950, that number constituted 22%. Singles have taken over in spite of the tremendous rise of online dating.
It’s easier to meet people now than ever before due to social media.
Eric Klinenberg, a sociology professor at New York University and author of Going Solo: The Extraordinary Rise and Surprising Appeal of Living Alone says, “people today are really looking for their soul mate and they’re not going to compromise.”