In practice, tantra is about enlightenment, which means transcending both the sexual and spiritual planes by engaging in deeply meditative, spontaneous, and intimate sex. It’s about getting to know your body.
Like yoga, tantra is all about physical and spiritual awareness.
When you practice tantra, you can become more in tune with your body, what gives it pleasure and the way it feels pleasure. This lets you pay better attention to your body’s wants and needs and make sure they’re fulfilled. Plus, the energies you channel during tantric sex flow throughout your body and can intensify your orgasm.
If you have a partner, you need get to know their body, too. Tantra isn’t only focused on reaching a higher state of mind-body consciousness. It is also about creating a deeper, more harmonious bond with your partner.
When you practice tantra, you and your partner learn to be physically aware and spiritually present, feeding each other energy that continues to grow well after you’ve finishing having sex.
Tantra also lets you both explore and expand all aspects of your personalities so that you truly get to know the other inside and out.
Do you wish to practice tantra but don’t know how to approach this topic with your partner?
As a sexual empowerment coach, I suggest that you try the following:
- Do not overwhelm your partner with information. Instead, explain to them what you enjoy about your sex life and how you could enhance the experience.
- Listen to what they have to say. Your partner may give you an enthusiastic yes or a hard no. Or, they may be somewhere in the middle. No matter their response, listen to and respect whatever they have to say.
- Let a teacher lead the way. If your partner is open to tantra, seek out a teacher who can guide you both as you learn more about the practice.
Mental Preparation. Tantra is a spiritual practice, which means your mind comes into play as much as your body.
When you practice tantra, you’re connecting your body, mind, and soul. A clear mindset and willingness to step out of your comfort zone are important to uniting those parts of yourself.
Spending 10 to 15 minutes in meditation can prepare your mind for tantra practice, as it allows you to go inward and examine your thoughts.
- Focus on breath work. Take 15 to 30 minutes to breathe gently all the way down into your belly and lower back, and get in touch with what’s going on in your mind , whether it’s stress or fulfilling your desires.
- Stretch for a few minutes. As you stretch each limb, clear your mind of any negative thoughts weighing you down. The more you unpack, the lighter you become.
- Spend 30 minutes a day journaling. Work through thoughts blocking your spiritual growth by writing them down.
Preparing Your Space. Tantra is a holistic practice. It isn’t about sex or orgasm; rather, it’s about the journey to get there. Your environment directly impacts your mindset and ability to relax and enjoy that journey.
- Make sure your space is at a comfortable temperature. If it’s cold, turn on the heat an hour before your practice so that your room is cozy and warm. If it’s hot, turn on the air conditioner, but set it to the high 70’s, so that the space is cool, never chilly.
- Set the mood with candles or tinted light bulbs. Candlelight adds romance to the space, while soft red bulbs gives the area a sensual touch.
- Fill the space with your favorite scent. Light a scented candle, diffuse an essential oil, burn incense sticks, or hang flowers. Pick a smell that makes you feel sexy, but isn’t overwhelming.
- Soften your space. Lay down a satin throw blanket and a few plush cushions.
- Create a romantic or sexual vibe. Play music that you can move to either by yourself or with a partner.
Building the Moment When Solo. You can implement many tantric principles when you’re alone. But the end game isn’t always masturbation; you can work up to solo play or decided not to go there at all.
Meditation. Meditation is a wonderful way to free yourself of all that’s holding you back. Instead of letting the energy flow out of you, ground yourself. As you meditate, let your energy flow downward into the earth. Let that energy build and spread throughout your body, giving you strength.
Self-Massage. Make your self-massage a full-body experience. Get your favorite carrier oil or lotion and pour it all over your skin. As you rub your oil or lotion in, spend time massaging your belly, groin, inner thighs, arms, neck and chest.
Masturbation. Solo play isn’t only about achieving orgasm. Instead, take time to truly explore your genitals, and what gives them and you the most pleasure. Touch yourself in new ways. Slow down your strokes. Soften the way you play with yourself.
- Breathe deeply and slowly. Whether meditating or masturbating, let your breath connect with and send tingles down your body.
- Be present with your sensations. Instead of letting your mind wander, pay attention to everything your body is feeling.
- Allow yourself to experience a full range of emotions. This will enable you to fully tap into your energy and power.
- Set an intention for your practice. Know what you want to get out of your tantra session, whether it’s having a better orgasm or feeling more comfortable in your own skin.
Building the Moment With A Partner. Tantra extends beyond sex; you can work up to that or choose not to at all. You and your partner can implement tantric principles into other practices that can build up the moment.
Foreplay. Foreplay can be anything you want: oral, massage, joint shower. Whatever you do, make sure you and your partner are fully present.
- Sit in front of your partner. Look into each other’s eyes. Start to move your bodies slightly as you breathe.
- After 5 minutes, start to touch each other sensually, taking turns massaging each other’s arms, legs, neck, and other parts.
- After another 5 minutes, begin to just kiss. Focus on every physical sensation you feel in the moment.
Sex is optional! You can build up to sex or not! Tantra is more about connection than anything else.
- If you choose to have sex, go slowly. Don’t be afraid to be creative! Try new positions, touch each other in new ways, and explore unearthed desires.
- Immerse yourself fully in the experience.
- The tension builds as you spend time on one sensual practice before moving on to the next.
Laying Together Or Cuddling. Laying with your partner lets you exchange and weave energies, nurturing deeper connection.
- To do this, consider a spooning position. The partner in the back will send energy (giver) while the partner in front absorbs it (receiver).
- Snuggle close together, heart and stomachs aligned. The giver should have their arms wrapped around the receiver, with their hand over the receiver’s heart. The receiver should rest their hand on top.
- Lay still for a few moments, then start harmonizing your breath and let the energy flow freely between you.
- Let the intensity build. Gaze into each other’s eyes without blinking for as long as possible.
- Synchronize breathing. Try inhaling and exhaling together, or inhaling as your partner exhales.
- Tell your partner what you like. When they touch and play with you, call out what you’re enjoying and ask them to continue. Have your partner do the same.
- Set an intention for your practice. Whether it’s to have better sex or strengthen your relationship, you and your partner should go into the session knowing what you both want out of it.
General Tips & Tricks
Tantra isn’t one-size-fits-all. You can do much to enhance your practice to make it a uniquely satisfying experience:
- Being naked is optional. You can start clothed and stay clothed or remove every inch of fabric. The key is to do whatever makes you feel comfortable. Whether that means being naked or not is up to you.
- Pay attention to your breath. Deep breathing is vital to tantra. By focusing on your breath, you allow yourself to be present in the moment and immerse yourself in the experience.
- Engage all your senses. Light some scented candles. Play some soft, sensual music. Touch yourself or your partner slowly. Stare into each other’s eyes. Savour the taste of your partner’s kisses. Engaging all your senses during your tantra practice will help you feel every pleasurable sensation more fully.
- Go slow. Key to tantra is learning to feel and experience everything more deeply by going slow. Don’t rush tantra; instead, relax your mind and enjoy every second of the practice.
- Explore each other’s bodies. Stroke your hands slowly over your own or your partner’s body. Let them use their tongue to explore your mouth while you kiss. Or gently glide their lips up and down your chest. Do the same to them.
- Experiment. Kink and BDSM often incorporate tantric principles. So, when you practice tantra, you need not stick to tradition. Think outside the box and if that means using a box, have fun with it.
- You don’t have to go full tantra. You can add elements in to what you’re already doing in the bedroom, either by yourself or with a partner. That may mean incorporating meditation into foreplay or focusing more on deep breathing during a solo session.
- Synchronizing Your Breath. Breathing is key to any tantric practice. Breathing allows you to free your mind, connect with your body, and feel every sensation more fully. When practicing any such techniques, always sit up straight and in a comfortable position.
The Stimulating Breath helps raise energy and increase awareness.
To do this:
- Close your eyes and soften your belly.
- Inhale and exhale quickly through your nose, keeping your mouth closed.
- Try 3 in-and-out breaths per second for 15 seconds.
- Breathe normally after the cycle ends, then try again for 20 seconds, increasing by five seconds until you reach one full minute.
The 4-7-8 Breath helps release tension and relax. Do it while sitting across from your partner, synchronizing your breath.
To do this:
- Exhale through your mouth, then close your mouth.
- Inhale quietly through your nose to a mental count of 4.
- your breath for a count of 7.
- Exhale through your mouth completely to a count of 8.
- 5. Repeat the cycle 3 more times for a total of 4 breaths.
The Counting Breath is another form of meditation to help clear your mind, find your center, and connect to your body.
To do this:
- Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths.
- Let your breath flow naturally.
- Inhale, then count “one” to yourself as you exhale.
- On the next exhale, count “two.” Work your way up to “five.”
- Repeat the cycle, starting at “one” and ending on “five.”
- Don’t go past “five,” otherwise your mind and attention will begin to wander.
- Try counting your breath for 10 minutes.
Getting Into Position. Any position can be tantric as tantra is about connection, not specific movements. As you begin your journey into tantra, you must learn the basic principles.
YabYum or Lotus
with a partner:
- Have your partner sit cross-legged.
- Sit on your partner’s upper thighs and cross your ankles behind their back.
- Breathe in sync and stare into each other’s eyes.
- Sit cross-legged with your back straight
- Place your palms on your knees.
- Begin to breathe slowly and deeply.
Hand on Heart
with a partner:
- Sit cross-legged, facing your partner.
- Place your right hand on their heart; they place their right hand on yours.
- Close your eyes, tune into their heart’s physical rhythm. Now focus on emotion & energy.
- Let the connection build between your partner’s heart and your hand, and vice versa.
- Sit cross-legged with your back straight.
- 2. Place your right hand on your heart.
- Close your eyes, tune into its physical rhythm, then, focus on the emotion and energy.
- Let the connection build between your heart and your hand.
The Relaxed Arch
with a partner:
- Have your partner sit upright on the bed or floor with their legs straight
- Sit on your knees on partner’s lap.
- When comfortable, begin to arch your back slowly.
- Rest your head between your partner’s legs, then grab hold of their ankles or feet.
- Sit on your knees on the bed or floor.
- When comfortable, begin to arch your back slowly.
- Rest your head on the bed or floor, then stretch out your arms about your head.
- Face your palms downward. When ready, use one hand to explore your body.
As You Move Along In Your Practice. As you grow more versed in tantra, explore and incorporate the following techniques into your practice:
- Orgasm Control. To do this, arouse yourself to the edge of orgasm, then pull back right before you climax. Let the tingling, orgasmic sensations fill your body, then start again. Don’t just do this one time, though; repeat the cycle over and over again so you can reach an intense, explosive, full-body orgasm.
- Sacred Spot Massage. To do this, slowly and gently rub your partner’s prostate gland or the upper wall of their vagina, known as the G-spot. Let the heat and energy build, allowing your partner to release pent-up emotions as they come closer to climax.
Above all else, enjoy!