A spoiling session is a magical, sexy, multi-purpose exercise that promotes a deeper understanding of your own sexual needs as well as those of your partner, as you simultaneously reconnect as a couple. Each partner’s sex-related shame and resistance will melt away.
How Do You Perform A Spoiling Session? These sessions are simply about sexually spoiling yourselves in a a pre-determined amount of time where one partner (recipient) gets to have whatever they want done to them, as long as it falls within the giver’s realm of comfort.
For example, one partner’s spoiling session could be as follows: “For 90 minutes, every Tuesday night after 5 p.m., I will lay on my back while my favourite Wilson Pickett Cd plays throughout the room, and my partner will massage me, kiss my forehead, perform oral sex on me, and then cuddle with me inside a warm blanket.”
Meanwhile, the other partner may want something totally different, which is the unique beauty of human sexuality.
How Does My Partner Know What To Do During My Spoiling Session? Tell your partner what you would like to happen during your spoiling session in two ways:
1. Write it down and/or tell them out loud in advance what you would like to happen, or
2. Tell them as your spoiling session is happening in the moment as your desires naturally shift.
In terms of personal growth, sexual-shame melting and your overall intimate couple connection, try to do the second one, if you can.
It’s potentially challenging to ask for things while you’re in the midst of it, but that’s the whole point. You not only get to experience blissful sexual pleasure, exactly as you wish, but you also get to be more vocal during sexual play and ask for your sexual needs to be met.
Magic occurs when you can verbalize what you want, moment to moment, from your partner. Your newly found vocal abilities also start to translate into your ‘regular’ sexual play with that much more ease. And the more you communicate your sexual desires, the more you and your partner will understand each other and the more sexually fulfilled you’ll both be.
What details Should I Consider? Spoiling sessions are totally customized to what you want your ideal session to look like.
Considerations
- How long should a pleasure-and-connection session be?
- When is the best day and time for your spoiling session happen?
- Ideally, were should your spoiling session occur?
- What music do you want playing, if any?
- How to build the entire sensual landscape?
- What kind of lighting do you want for your spoiling session?
- What will the room smell like?
- What should your partner wear in the spoiling session?
- What should NOT happen during your spoiling session?
- What is off limits?
- What would turn you off during your spoiling session?
Tell your partner in advance whatever may likely cause you discomfort during your spoiling session.
- What do you want to happen during your spoiling session?
- Do you want your session to be focused on kissing or other forms of sexual engagement.
- Do you wish to be told how awesome you are for a portion of the session?
- Do you wish to sit in silence and make extended eye contact with your lover while holding hands?
- Do you wish to be held in the spoon position for the first 30 minutes as you settle in?
Spoiling sessions. If you build it, you will come, unless you would rather not.
- How do you want your spoiling session to end?
- What would be the happiest ending to your spoiling session so it does not end too abruptly?
How To Prepare For Your Spoiling Session.
Key to preparing for your spoiling session is doing whatever cumulatively makes you feel more comfortable and de-stressed. For example, to help you de-stress: do all the daily chores so that they’re off your mind, remove all distractions from the room you’re doing your spoiling session in
Things that help you to be more comfortable: start with a massage or some connection exercises, groom yourself in advance if needed so that you feel calmer and more confident in your body, do a short meditation or round of box-breathing in order to connect to your breath.
When To Do Your Spoiling Sessions? Two major schools of thought exist when it comes to timing. You can either have a regular, recurring time for each of you (i.e. your spoiling sessions always land on Tuesday nights and your partner’s are on Thursday night), or you can have them be a bit more spontaneous.
Even giving yourself a few hours can do a lot for building up the sexual anticipation.
Imagine sitting at work and getting the text “Spoiling session tonight? ;)”
That text would be gold. You better believe your day just got a whole lot more exciting.
How To Navigate Wanting To Do Something In Your Session That Causes Your Partner Discomfort. Whether it’s your first time trying out a spoiling session with your partner or you’ve been doing them regularly for months, the time will arise where you or your partner asks for something that the other takes serious issue with.
What do you do about this? You treat it like any other time you have a potential conflict of interest with your partner. Respectfully ask them if they would willingly like to try out a certain activity. Perhaps they are just shy but challenging their comfort zones can be good for them at times. If they still don’t want to, that’s perfectly fine too. Respect their point of view, leave out that activity and move on.
Schedule Your Spoiling Session Into Your Calendar today!