Three years ago, a distraught single father whose only child had committed suicide by a fentanyl overdose approached me for a series of sessions. This client visited me to sort out his painful feelings of guilt, agony and remorse over the death of his gifted 17-year-old daughter. Through endless tears, he said he had found my blog article on the internet, in which I discussed suicidal ideation, suicidal completion and the longterm effects on the survivors. My words had given him a sense of solace in his hour of need.
I explained to him about the unbearable pain his daughter must have been suffering in order to consider taking her own life, and how, after a certain point, nothing could have prevented this deeply wounded soul from inflicting such grievous self-harm. Once a person gets irretrievably lost in their own mental pain, they can become unreachable. It wasn’t his fault that his daughter had committed suicide. He must learn to forgive himself. Although he had sent her to the best rehabilitation centres in the country, she had relapsed time and time again. I said, “Let your tears fall. Lean into your pain as it sears a gaping hole through your heart. Yes, your life will never look the same but that doesn’t mean that it’s over.” Today, this client runs marathons to raise funds to support the costs of addiction treatment for other young addicts, like his daughter.
Shattered? Let yourself feel the pain in order to recover from it and move on. True healing can only occur once you fully embrace your emotional pain
A client recently found out that her lawyer husband whom she had financially supported while he attended law school had been having a three-year affair with his colleague. She had even put her own promising career as an artist on hold to support her husband. Naturally, her fundamental trust in others was immediately shattered. She questioned her own sanity, discernment and judgment as the very foundation of her entire world shook breneath her feet. After she found about his betrayal, she couldn’t eat or drink at all for a week. Eventually, she was rushed to the hospital in an acute state of dehydration by a concerned relative who just happened to drop by.
In truth, time does NOT heal all wounds; rather, you need to actively confront your pain and do something about it. So, whenever life kicks you when you’re down, you can choose to do something about it. You can break open, accept help, put one foot in front of the other and boldly soldier on.
Winston Churchill once famously said, “If you’re going through hell, keep going.”
Are you currently undergoing trying times right now? If so, consider the following:
- Let yourself fall apart. Cry. Bawl your eyes out. Ask a friend to hold you while you weep uncontrollably. Stop holding it all in. Just let the walls of the dam burst open.
- Ask for help. If you need help making a meal, ask a friend or family member. If you need a reminder of your worthiness, ask for it. Good friends are at the ready to support you if you actually let them to. Do no deny them of their desire to be of service to you. It’s their way of of expressing their friendship.
- Exercise patience. Understand that grief, healing or processing pain is not a linear process. You will have both terrific days and horrific days. As long as you honor your limits and do your best, you can eventually push through anything to reach the other side.
- Be totally honest. Drop your mask. When trusted friends ask how you are doing, be honest. Once you let go of your secrets, it will give others a chance to truly meet you wherever you’re at. It is inevitable that life will beat the crap out of you at times. Nobody on earth can avoid pain. Yet, when life kicks you right in the gut, be proactive about it. Again, you can break open, accept help, then bravely place one foot in front of the other and solider on, one day at a time. That’s when the true healing begins.
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If you’re seeking immediate support from a qualified therapist, click here to sign up with a round the clock service.