Foreplay. That tiny word suggests that what precedes penetration is not the real deal. For women, it’s the main course. Coitus is fun for females as it feels great and it fulfils a primal urge. Yet, it’s a trick of nature that the clitoris is placed outside the vagina, out of direct contact with most of the action. Therein lies the rub!
Why women need foreplay. Men need an erection to have coitus. Similarly, women’s bodies must prepare for penetration. Sufficient foreplay ensures a woman is aroused and ready for sex – the vagina balloons upwards and outwards, and it produces lubrication to reduce friction and ensure that sex is pleasurable. If she’s not ready, sex may hurt and the friction may cause tiny tears in the vagina walls, causing bleeding and leaving her vulnerable to infection.
Why women love foreplay. Sex for women equates with stimulation of the clitoris, whether by a tongue, finger, handy objects like vibrators, or all of these simultaneously – or by her partner’s pubic bone in clitoris-friendly sex positions like The Grind. Yet just as a car engine must be warmed up properly in cold weather, it’s best not to head straight for this tiny bud. The more loving attention she receives elsewhere, the more receptive she is when the focus finally shifts to her genitals.
Early on, women discover that the more foreplay they engage in, the greater the build up of sexual tension, leading to more intense orgasms. The same often applies to men; i.e., the longer he delays climaxing after repeatedly nearing the point of no return, the more explosive his release when he finally lets go. The longer foreplay lasts, the likelier women can enjoy multiple orgasms, as can men, when using non-ejaculatory techniques to orgasm.
1. Take your time. On average, women need about 20 minutes of foreplay to go from aroused to orgasmic, whereas most men take about three minutes. Yet this is no set rule as women’s arousal levels vary on a day-to-day basis – she may take an hour to climax today after a hectic day at work, and just one minute tomorrow after a dinner and erotic movie – and how couples interact also varies greatly.
2. Start off slowly. First off, focus on the areas furthest away from her genitals. Variation in the types of stimulation keeps her interest piqued, from kisses and hot breaths, to light touching, licking and stroking. Vary sensations like temperature with ice cubes on her skin or warm tea in your mouth.
3. Caress her skin. Women love more than just hands for erotic touching, like body-to-body caresses, the mouth and tongue, or stroking and massaging with the penis tip. As with all stimulation, do it symmetrically; i.e., what you do to one side should more or less also be done to the other side to create a balance in stimulation.
4. Focus on less obvious spots. Paying attention to other erogenous zones like her neck, toes, inner thighs, butt and spine while avoiding the hot spots of breasts and genitals will have the desired effect of increasing blood flow and sensitivity in her genitals.
5. Start outwards and work inwards. In a teasing manner, approach her more obvious erogenous zones like her breasts, clitoris and vulva for greater effect. Start by stimulating the outer areas of her breasts, the underside of the breasts or her collarbone and gently ease your way towards the peak with licks and strokes. Delight the nipples with light, feathery touches or warm lips contrasted with an ice cube. Similarly, approach her genitals from the outskirts, gradually working your way in.
6. Vary stimulation. As the nerve endings become less sensitive with ongoing touch, variation from light to firm strokes and moving from one spot to another ensures the stimulation stays arousing.
7. Ask for Feedback. Women know what they love in foreplay but may be shy in asking for what they want. They appreciate a lover who asks if they’re enjoying the action in progress, with questions like “How does it feel if I do this..?” or “Would you like me to do this a little harder or softer?” Good communication and a willingness to please in bed ensures a delighted lover and ultimately, better sex.
8. Practice makes orgasmic. The ideal way to get to know a woman sexually and lead her to repeat orgasms is to indulge in sex play without penetration. Consider banishing coitus for a week or two and engaging purely in other forms of sexual interaction (mutual oral sex) for an eye-opening experience geared to broaden both your sexual horizons. When you do resume intercourse, you will both have a renewed appreciation for the pleasures of that journey.