A Different Kind Of Male Survival Guide

Well, women usually find their BFF, cry it out, talk it out, decide why you’re better off, plot revenge, scrap the idea as being too much effort, then put on a little black dress and go clubbing to celebrate single again.

However, you’re not a woman!  Dealing with heartache can be a more confusing, tougher prospect for men, who are notorious for being unable to articulate feelings and allow themselves to be vulnerable. Admitting that you’re feeling crushed and sad, and  God forbid, crying, might be unfathomable to most men.

Suffering in silence and pushing down your feelings is a horrific way to live so what can a sane man do to heal?

How to Handle A Hurting Heart

Contrary to popular stereotypes, feeling pain isn’t a sign of weakness nor will pain go away on its own. If you’re broken-hearted, check out these suggestions for handling things in a healthy manner to help you heal.

1. Say it aloud. Part of the battle for many men is admitting they’re hurt. In order to get past things, you have to face things. So, say it out loud. It doesn’t have to be to anyone, just to yourself, but still out loud. Look in the mirror while saying it. Once you’ve said it out loud it makes it real, and you can start dealing with it.
2. Find someone to talk to. Yes, this is tough for many men, but you must be able to voice your feelings and if nothing else know that another human understands what you’re going through. For many men,  this is easier to do with a female friend rather than a male one. Whomever it is, you need a willing ear, even if they don’t have any words of wisdom.
3.  Skip the machismo. No one is so tough that they don’t feel pain, so don’t macho up. You are just as human as anyone else, and being able to be hurt means you’re also able to love. Embrace that, it’s actually more manly and mature than flying the tough-guy flag.
4. Skip that extra alcoholic beverage. There is no truth to drowning your sorrows as a method of coping. In fact, alcohol is a depressant so it will only worsen things. It can also lead to totally inappropriate behavior, and lessen your ability to handle your anger and pain in productively.
5. Channel your pain. All that heartbreak creates extra stress and anxiety that can sit like a coiled snake inside you. Finding a productive way to release that energy can be beneficial. The obvious one is through physical exertion like working out, but new hobbies that can take your mind off things are just as effective.
6. Avoid the rebound. You’ve likely heard that the quickest way to get over someone is to get under someone. Wrong! Distracting yourself by getting involved physically or emotionally with someone too soon won’t alleviate your pain and will only  compound and complicate your problems. Plus, you run the sad risk of hurting a poor, unsuspecting soul who has a different intent for connecting.
7. Give yourself time. What is true is that time heals all wounds. There is no way to circumvent pain, you must let it run its course. Recognizing this while working through things can be comforting and give you perspective. Know that next week will be better than this one, next month will be better than that, and in six months all kinds of things will have changed.These tips won’t magically make pain go away, but they will help you contend with them in a way that maintains your emotional and psychological well-being.

What Happens If You Ignore Your Pain?

If you just ignore your pain and follow the ‘real guys don’t cry handbook,’ your life can become very bleak, for instance…

• The shards never go away. The shards of a heart that isn’t given a chance to heal will continue to cut. This means that little things that remind you of your lost love can cut when you least expect it. Because you haven’t given yourself a chance to heal you risk remaining in pain and living in fear of what happens next.
• A social mask develops. You never wanted to talk about it, but you still need to interact with friends, family, and people at work. This means you have to create a social mask so people can’t see the pain you’re feeling. The problem with this is that not only does it become exhausting, but it also prevents you from getting close to people or them getting close to you. That’s a lonely life.
• Your next relationship already has problems. When you finally  jump into love again, the lid comes off Pandora’s box and all that unresolved pain taints your new relationship. You won’t be unable to have a healthy, happy relationship if you drag in all that unaddressed pain. And if you haven’t dealt with it that’s precisely what you’re doing
• Anger. Pain doesn’t go away when you ignore it. In fact, it’s a bit like putting it in a pressure cooker. Eventually the lid blows and for most men it manifests as anger. Sometimes explosive anger.
• Depression. Festering pain not only creates anger, it’s also a primary contributor to depression in men, which can lead to even more destructive issues.
• Men, you have a clear choice. You can walk through the fire, deal with the scorch, and end up in a better place, or continue to circle it ad nauseam allowing it to burn you over and over again. The choice is very  clear. Either one hurts, so stop trying to avoid it.