Most of our life patterns are unconscious. We are unaware of them. We just do what we do, what we know, what we think works, what comforts us. Researchers say that we’re only conscious about five percent of the day.
We’re awake for about 16 hours, meaning being conscious and aware, making choices. The rest of the time we’re on autopilot, running in a program.
Sexuality is the part of life we’re least conscious in, where our patterns run the deepest and we make the most unconscious choices. Our sexuality is in our minds and bodies. As soon as the thought of sex is present, despite the context, our patterns kick in.
In the body, this generally means that we start a pattern of arousal that follows the path its always has in our bodies and minds.
The thoughts begin, there’s an awareness, then the body begins its pattern based on its memory.Think of this in terms of muscle memory. When a baby learns to eat the spoon goes all over, eventually it goes in the food, the food goes all over and in time the food goes in the baby’s mouth. We can eat and have an intense conversation while we’re eating and hardly look at what our hands are doing because we know the pattern so well.
When we begin having sex, in whatever way we do, the way we’re touched, the position of our body, every aspect of the experience becomes part of our sexual body.
As the awareness of sex becomes present, the pattern kicks in, and our body does what it does.
What happens in our body is linked to the thoughts and beliefs we have, the education we’ve been given, which I’d generally fear-based and limited, not about pleasure. It’s also linked to the patterns that come from our parents, from religion, from culture, which are often subconsciously taken in. To our minds and our bodies. And impact on our sexuality.
We must heal the body and heal the mind.
Give bodies new sensations, experiences, ways of feeling, ways of breathing, is where we start the change the patterns.
Slowly. Slowly. Slowly.
Our patterns have been there for a long time. Part of us has one priority… survival. This means keeping us safe. And safety is what we know.
So we go where we know within us, we do what we know.
This has nothing to do with fulfilment, with happiness.
It’s simply living in our pattern, which has been with us for so long. The patterns are deep inside of us, in the mind, in the body.
Our sexual patterns are in our muscles, in our joints, in our nerves, in our breath, in the position of our bodies, and of course in our genitals, in the tissue of our sexuality.
Healing is about creating a pattern of change, which means opening, releasing, relaxing, letting go, allowing.
Force creates resistance.
Slowly. Slowly. Slowly.
We create a pattern of change, we open pathways of release, we rewire, reconfigure our bodies.
- Slow touch.
- Gentle touch.
- Breathing.
- Feeling.
- Connecting with our body.
- Coming into the body.
- Creating possibility.
When you’re ready, you’re going to greet your yoni.
Greet every part of her, not just looking, saying hello as if you were greeting someone really special.
Do this with your lips, your clitoris, your urethra, your yoni opening, your perineum, every single element.
Then sit for a while, be aware of what you feel, what your thoughts are, how your body feels.
Without trying to create any expectations, what many women have shared is how emotional they felt, often tearful, how their yoni started talking to them, gave them a name, they saw her, saw themselves as being beautiful.
The 2nd part of this is The Story of Your Yoni.
You’re going to connect with her and let her tell you her story.
Your body is your subconscious mind.
It’s also the place where so many of our patterns are, where so much of our pain is.
And also where such possibility is.
I share this as a writing exercise.
Sit quietly.
Connect with your yoni, hold her, breathe into her.
Allow her to tell you her story.
Sit with the pen and wait for it to start.
Not from your conscious mind but from your body.
When it starts it can happen in any way.
It might a sequential story, and it could jump all over.
It might be a few sentences and it might be pages and pages.
When it starts to slow down, when you start to think about what you’re writing, stop. That’s more of your mind than your body.
If it doesn’t happen now or today, leave it after about 10 minutes. You can’t force it, you can’t rush it.
When it happens it can be deeply emotional, it can tell of so much hurt, in so many ways.
And it can also be about pleasure, the possibilities, what she’d like to experience.