Yet, this commonplace response could actually be why these men do pull away in relationships. As you spend more time together with your partner, deeper feelings tend to develop. Eventually, in order to sustain and nurture your union, your focus may shift from your own needs to your partner’s thoughts, feelings and body language,.
Now, focusing on your partner and tuning into them is not a negative behavior pattern in itself; rather, it’s an essential skill for thriving, healthy relationships. However, danger arises when it goes too far and these actions block authentic connection between you.
When in a relationship, women naturally want to understand and take care of our partner; however, this female behaviour takes a negative turn when fear and worry creep into the equation. As the relationship deepens, fears of it ending can surface, especially if a woman has experienced the demise of multiple relationships or is in a rocky relationship that regularly fluctuates between periods of deep connection and icy distance.
If you regularly experience such a loss, then naturally, you would look for it coming down the pike and likely develop tactics to try and avoid it once you spot the signs its coming. When worries about looming disconnection start to take over, a woman may mistakenly turn away from herself and towards fixing the anticipated problem.
Women, when you sense your male partner has grown distant or is emotionally unavailable, do you start to scrutinize him? To wit, do you watch his facial expressions and body language very closely, listen for shifts in his vocal tone and analyze his behavior? Maybe you figure that all he does or says could signal impending doom for your relationship. Perhaps you feel that if you catch it early enough, you can stop that painful freight train coming down the line, once again.
Sadly, such negative attention just causes your heavily scrutinized partner to withdraw even more since he feels your lack of trust. Ultimately, you can end up self-sabotaging your relationship and manifesting an unwanted distance between you and your partner, which is what you had originally feared the most.
Should you just ignore the signs, slap on a happy face or sweep your fears under the carpet when you sense your mate pulling away?
Not at all! But neither can you project your unwarranted fears and worries onto your partner. In order to resolve the issue, you must re-direct your attention back to yourself and feel whatever it is that you are feeling. Do not dismiss it or try to control it by playing the unattractive role of hyper-vigilant detective.
Trying to assuage your fears by drifting outside yourself and focussing outward never works. This raw, gnawing fear resides deep within you, not “out there,” so it’s your cross to bear, not his.
If the idea of addressing these deep-rooted fears sounds intimidating, just ask yourself, “What’s the worst case scenario here?” If you take a moment to breathe slowly and tune into your bodily sensation of fear, you could make some changes or requests. If the whole notion of change disturbs you, take some time to sit with it before working through it. In truth, your fears are not your partner’s responsibility, so putting your attention on them never resolves the issue.
You are always the source of your own pain, as well as the source of your own answers.